Fake fart alarm


I have a 14 month old. His name is Miles.

We check to see if he's pooped by smelling his butt.

Yesterday I checked him, concluded code brown, then handed him to my wife and she concurred.

I went to change him and there was no poop.

And the weird thing was that I was disappointed.

What was even weirder is that it grossed me out that he HADN'T pooped.

I literally just stuck my nose in his butt at the exact instant he farted.

I mean think of the timing.

It would be one thing if he was carrying a load and I found the evidence,

but another entirely to have him simply fart directly in my face and have my nostrils willingly inhale it from 1 centimeter away (actually I'm pretty sure my nose was touching his butt).

Like I inhaled the entire fart cloud as if shotgunning a joint.

No one else would even smell the fart because I had bogarted the entire thing.

The only fart smell that others could smell, in fact, was the second hand fart that I exhaled after breathing in the fart first hand. My wife had smelled this second hand fart after it went through my lungs. And still concluded code brown. Well played Miles.

From now on I'm instituting the check once, wait 3 minutes, then verify before action.


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